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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29131173">turn back time.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuniology/pseuds/kuniology'>kuniology</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Mentioned Taeyong.</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:35:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,196</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29131173</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuniology/pseuds/kuniology</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>the flower used to invite butterflies is now killing me.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Moon Taeil</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>turn back time.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>eng is not my 1st language. <br/>pls excuse me.<br/>#HAPPYDOYOUNGDAY2021</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Final – if I can turn back time and rewrite every line.</p><p> </p><p>The day Taeil used to get mad at Doyoung for touching his chest whenever they were around the member, the day where will growl possessively at everyone that trying to stand close to Taeil. It wasn't easy but Doyoung managed to control himself.</p><p>Taeil wished that he can turn back time and let Doyoung do anything to him without Taeil being overly conscious about what everyone might think about them. Taeil wished Doyoung will never learn how to manage his jealousy and obsession over Taeil.</p><p>Taeil was holding his yellow iPhone staring blindly on the white wall. It's cold but he was sweating, he was struggling to breathe and his breathing sounded irregular as if he finished running or he had just finished crying.</p><p>Nurses come in and out to look at his condition, he was ashamed of himself for crying over something he always thought was comedic. Never once he thought that one day he will suffer the dumb disease. It was painful, heart-breaking, and suffocating. </p><p>Hanahaki. Sound comedic and stupid. Dying over love. How weak can one go, Taeil wishes it wasn't him but the flower growing inside him once make him seeing butterfly is now blocking his breathing. Taeil is struggling to stay alive, trying to overcome the branches stabbing his poor hearth in the hope one day he will breathe normally again.</p><p>Hope.</p><p>Taeil chuckled weakly, he laid his body on the small white hospital bed. </p><p>Taeil tried to help Doyoung grow back the flower they used to share. Taeil didn't even flinch when Doyoung woke up from his coma after a huge accident on his way for his radio schedule because he thought he can help him grow back the flower petal but unknowingly, yes, he did manage to help his young boyfriend regrow the flower inside him but it was for someone new...</p><p>What Taeil regrets the most is that the night before the accident happens, Doyoung asked him for a kiss in front of their manager but Taeil rejected him and Doyoung was clearly upset as he turned his back at Taeil without looking back. Taeil wished that all his memory with Doyoung is only a good one, he wanted to restore all their lovely memories somewhere- somewhere where one day they can look back at it and laugh about how young, immature and dumb they were for each other.</p><p>3 months ago, he decided to do surgery to removes the petal from his heart. The petals did not only block his breathing but his courage and energy. He can barely stand, he can barely live but Doyoung's mother comes and beg him to not removes the petals.</p><p>They put their trust in Taeil.</p><p>They were supposed to get married last year on Doyoung's birthday but who could have thought that Doyoung was still fighting for his life on his birthday he dreamed of locking Taeil with him. Taeil was with him on the night they supposed to get married, kissing the man's finger every minute and calling for his name, telling him stories.</p><p>As soon as Doyoung gain his consciousness 5 months later he was smiling at every member including Taeil. The older idol thought that everything is going to be alright, he will help Doyoung. It will be easy, he thought but the fact that he thinks highly of himself is embarrassing.</p><p>Months into helping Doyoung regrow the flower, everything seems to be working out as Doyoung got curious as to why he had so many pictures of Taeil in his phone, in his Macbook, on his iPad in his hard disc, at his house, and on his room's wall. Taeil isn't about hiding their relationship, Doyoung brushes him off saying that Taeil is funny.</p><p>Two months into helping Doyoung regrow their flower, Taeil noticed that flower petals slowly growing inside Doyoung. He was glowing and he regains his energy and his sappy humor. Taeil is glad to see how his Doyoung is slowly looking healthier just like before the surgery happened.</p><p>Three months into helping Doyoung regrow his flower, Taeil knew that it was a different flower for a different person. Taeil witnessed how Doyoung eyes shine looking at him. Taeil saw how clumsy his boyfriend throwing out his sappy jokes. He was how the younger idol hummed happily cooking something that Taeil once mentioned was his least favorite dish.</p><p>Doyoung ordered spicy pizza when he invited all the members to a movie party. He pulled someone that is not Taeil sitting next to him. Taeil is unable to eat spicy food, Doyoung should've known better. That someone that is not Taeil tried to pull Taeil in between them but it's clear that Doyoung preferred that one over him. He saw everything that once his is now not his anymore.</p><p>Taeil saw how Doyoung light up whenever Taeyong is in the room. Taeil denies it every day. </p><p>Taeil didn't expect one-night Doyoung to come in drunk to his room, crying his heart out saying that Taeyong rejected his feeling because Taeyong knew it. He knows about their relationship. Doyoung was begging Taeil to convince Taeyong that they are not more than a friend.</p><p>That was his limit. </p><p>Yes. Taeil is selfish. Doyoung is his. He owns Doyoung. </p><p>He yelled, scream and shout trying to pull Doyoung back to his sense but that very moment Doyoung pushed him away. He should have gotten used to it by now but, no. He can't take in any more. </p><p>He won't force Doyoung to accept him. Doyoung deserves someone who is not overly shy, overly conscious, overly private about their love lives. If Taeil loves Doyoung and he should put Doyoung happiness over everything. Forcing himself to Doyoung shows how he loves himself, only think about what he wants. At some point Taeil can't understand anything it's all so painful.</p><p>Doyoung's mom was begging Taeil to rethink his decision. They love Taeil. They wanted Taeil to be their son in law. They believed in Taeil. They put their trust in Taeil to bring back the memories to Doyoung but..</p><p>Taeil is not as strong as his supposed to be in law thought. </p><p>Taeil took a deep breath, put all his energy on his back as he sat still looking emptily on the white wall. Taeil reached out the blue pen on the table on top of the boring looking hospital bed. Holding the pen tightly as his breathing slowly failed him again.</p><p>Taeil unlocked his yellow iPhone and with his trembling finger, he deleted all pictures he had with Doyoung. Changed Doyoung's name in his contact. His hand was still trembling as he typed – please take care of him and send it to Taeyong.</p><p>Taeil grabbed the pen again and pulled the white paper under neat it as he signed the agreement of surgery to removes the petals inside him. As much as he wanted to archive it, it's killing him.</p><p>If they really were meant for each other, nothing of this matters.</p><p>Taeil didn't give up, he was giving Doyoung what he deserves that Taeil failed to provide.</p>
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